Friday, October 28, 2011

The List

Okay, I have to get this off my chest. One of my good friends and I were talking the other day and we were discussing relationships. My father told me a long time ago and he said "Son, don't even bother trying to figure females out because you can't and you won't. You have to pick and choose your battles wisely. I believe him because he and my mother have been married for 41 years strong. 

Anyway, on to the meat and potatoes of this. In this conversation that we were having the subject came up about "The List". Apparently, some females make a list of qualities and characteristics that they need to date someone. Now at first when I really thought about it, its not really that bad of an idea until I heard what goes on these list. I believe there is fantasy and reality and most of the things on this list were just not realistic.

I get that everyone has there standards and no one wants to compromise on them but can you really find true love based off a list? It seems like you would be dating the list and not the person. There are so many more intangibles that you cannot get off a list. Keep in mind that I am not speaking to all women and I am only going of the list that I saw. Speaking of that list, some of the things on there are as follows:
1) Has to be 6 foot and above
2) Has to have a master's degree
3) Has to make 60,000 or more in income
4) Can't have any kids
5) Has to have good hair
6) Has to have a certain skin complexion

There were other things on this list that were beyond reality as well. So as a female, if you met a nice guy that didn't have all the qualities on a list that you wouldn't date them? You would wipe out a whole group of men because they are not 6 feet tall? Again, not speaking to all females and only making references to the list that i saw. I just think that you are doing a injustice to yourself by only dating people that have the qualities of a list that most guys will not be able to achieve. Is the list fantasy or reality? Not saying that you should lower your standards but really take a look at the list and really think about if these things are achievable.

I just believe that the intangibles are so much more important that all those things you put on a list. What if the guy you met was really nice, had a good job, had a kid and was 5'9 and treated you like a queen, you would give him a shot? You can't really believe the man of your dreams will be put together by a list. How about growing to know someone by giving them a chance, you never know that man could be your husband one day as you realize that this man gives you everything you need and realize, this is the man I wanted in the first place.

Do you have a list? If so what's on it? Are there things that are available for compromise? Are the qualities achievable or fantasy? What is the reason for the list in the first place? Talk to me.


  1. I am curious as to how you came across this persons list??? It sounds like the list of a very shalllow or very immature person.

    I admit I have a lits. I do believe the list is kind of important to know what you want but it should be realistic. I do think that sometimes woman and men can get caught up in looks or chemistry with someone who is completely bad for them, no ambition, a bunch of kids with different people, overly critical, selfish. But in the begining those butterflys in your tummy get you all caught up. Sometimes the refering to your list can help you see if a person is a good fit. And as for true love i do believe it exists. I have experienced it. With a past relationship I turely loved someone and believe he truely loved me but in the end it was not enough. That experience has given me a few things to add to my list. Like he should have healthy self estem, He should be able to trust me during dificult times, He should have priorities that are compatible with my own. I think finding someone who gives you the butterfliese and is a good match with your list (not necessarily a 100% match) may be the one.

  2. It was a friend that's a girl and she was wondering why she was still single and she said she couldn't find anyone that matched her list. She showed me the list and half of the list was not realistic. I have no problem with the list, i just think it should be realistic and not 100%. Realistically, you will not get everything you want in a relationship off a list. The woman is 31 years old

  3. Well if you are good friends with her maybe you can help her come up with a more realistic list. :-)

  4. She does not want to change her list. She is stuck in her ways. She does not want to listen to anything I have to say about it so hopefully she will find what she is looking for and I wish her the best of luck

  5. Sorry to hear that your friend isn't being flexible about the list, Keazy. Like they say: "Blessed are the flexible, because they shall not be bent out of shape!"

    Seriously though, there's merit to a list, as you said, but it has to be realistic. I think a lot of us sisters need a reality check (present company included). Sometimes we're the stumbling block to our own success. If others made a list of required characteristics, we just might not make the cut!

    Good post; keep them coming!

  6. Thank you for your insight Alison. I thought about that. I don't think guys make up a list, well at least my close friends don't. The way I look at it, you never know who you are passing up. That person could have everything you would like in a mate but you gotta give them a chance to show you.

  7. I'm fairly young and inexperienced in the dating world. I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I want so my list has never been anything too crazy. That being said, I thought I had some form of a list figured out... until I met a guy. This guy was everything I never knew I wanted and I realized that lists are for the birds. You need to find a guy you have an amazing connection and relationship with and all that height, income, education bullshit can roll out the window (in moderation).
    Sorry I keep comment overloading you..Im just really liking your blog! haha.
    bailey. x

  8. Thank you again Bailey for commenting. Please feel free to comment as much as you like. With lists, I think sometimes people leave things out that they never knew what they were looking for and therefore miss out on potential mates. There are so much more intangibles that a list does not have.

  9. Totally agree! Those are the things that SHOULD be on the lists! Without them we end up with failed relationships I think.

  10. I got a list
    Can't worship Satan
    Must have goals in life
    Sense of humor

    We all have a list, but we have to make sure we look at the things that are important in life, and line up with our moral values.

  11. I never had a list when I was in the dating game. I have been married for over 9 years and I guess I might still be single if I had a list like the one you mentioned. lol
    Lists are okay, but a person has to be flexible and realistic. You can find the exact person on that list but that doesn't guarantee happiness. To really find & experience happiness, I think you have to give people a chance. I don't mean not have any standards, but be willing to bend a little. You never know who God is sending to bless you.
    Just my 2 cent.