Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Friendship Zone, Nice Girl Nice Guy

Have you ever fallen into the category of "The Friendship Zone"? Nice men and woman fallen into the category all the time in the dating world. What puts you into this zone with trying to find potential mates? Can it be that you are too nice if that's such a thing? Can it be the space that the potential mate is in? It could be a number of things right?

When finding a mate, don't we look for the same qualities and characteristics that we do in a friend? Kind, loyal, dependable, loving, caring, trustworthy, honesty. Who would not want that in a mate? I do understand that there has to be some kind of connection, a connection deeper than the one of the friend. One that makes you want to "be" with that person. What is it? I know its different for everyone and everyone's situation is different and it might be different for men and woman.

After asking some married couples including my parents what makes a good marriage/relationship with your mate, the majority of them said, I married my best friend. Trust, honesty, caring, loving and all the stuff that we look for in friends turns out are the main qualities in mates. Not saying that this is the end all be all but it gives you something to think about right? I know that there needs to be some kind of physical attraction to the potential mate but does the physical attraction make the relationship last? Eventually they way that person looks will run out and what do you have left, all the qualities that you would want in friendship right?

Had a conversation with one of my friends today about how single men always say "there are no good woman out there" and females say "there are no good men out there". This statement is completely inaccurate and I have no idea why people say these statements when they are. That's the problem with society today with these preconceived notions about potential mates. Men and women need to change there mindsets and statements about this topic. Just because you have not run into "the right" person for you, that doesn't mean that there are no good guys or good women out there. It's crazy how they never get the shot until the person has been in a bunch of relationships that did not last for whatever reason. Well it seems that way to me. Only my opinion.

Nice woman and nice men are not weak but they are strong. Strong enough to continue to be the person they are no matter what or how many times they have been turned down by a potential mate. They are strong enough emotionally to be there for you when times get rough because they can be your friend as well. They are strong enough to hold you down because they truly care for your well being. They are strong enough to show their emotions and let you know that they care for you. Nice guys and women get passed over all the time and all of them have so much to offer but never get the chance. How and why is that? My best friend hit me with an equation today that I believe is very powerful and makes you really think. Here it is:
Love-Lust and Money=X. Solve for X

Talk to me ladies and gentleman. Let me know your thoughts.


  1. I have to disagree a little bit here. I do not look for the same qualities in a boyfriend/potential husband as I do in a friend. There is some definate overlap in the areas you mention above (Kind, loyal, dependable, loving, caring, trustworthy, honesty) but in addition to all of these I expect my partner to put me first. I do not expect that of friends. I expect my partner to be willing and able to take care of me emotionaly, physicaly, and even financially if need be. I do not expect these things of friends. In short I expect a lot more in terms of emotional strength, stability, and reliability from a partner than just a friend. You also need the sparks. I also don't think looks run out. You will be aging together and should still have attraction for each other. My parents were a great example of this as after being together over 30 years they still found each other attractive.

    I think it is just a complicated thing where the feelings and the logic in terms of how they treat you and qualities they posses all have to match up, and both people have to have that happen.

    I do agree that there are still good girls and guys out there.


  2. Thanks for you insight Chasing Joy. I do agree with you that there are some additions and that the friend qualities are the be all. I mentioned in the post that I agree that they needs to be physical attraction as well. I just think that if that person is dependable and you are in a relationship, that man will put you first, will take care of you emotionally, physically and financially because that man honestly loves you no matter what. Pays attention to your wants and needs. You should expect more and if that person really cares about you well being, it would be done without hesitation. I just think people need to look beyond looks and it should not be the only reason that you are attracted to that person. What about the love they show you and give you. The things they can teach you, their dreams, and aspirations, the support they will give you.I think that makes females attractive as well. I think society puts too much weight on looks and not enough on the other little things.

  3. I am one of the women who never has a problem finding great men. I wonder what problem my friends have? I suppose I have just always been open to the fabulous guys who are out there. The man I am involved with right now is my best friend. Just today he was on my nerves but then I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture.

    Gratitude, everywhere.

    Keep being 1,000 percent yourself and the Just Right For You woman will appear. I am certain of it!